The grease on the paper liner of that Cracker Barrel basket was cooling into a dull gray film by the time Raymond reached the part about the road ahead. Patricia sat across from him with her chicken and dumplings untouched, her hands folded neatly over her napkin like she was waiting for a very long sermon to finally reach the final hymn. I sat in the corner booth two tables down because Raymond had insisted on privacy for what he called a family adjustment. He liked words that sounded official, like he was filing an injunction instead of walking out on thirty-one years of mornings. He patted her hand once, that heavy, patronizing slap he used when he wanted the waitress to think he was a generous tipper, and then he delivered the line he had clearly been practicing in the mirror of his Ford F-150. Nobody is buying what you’re selling now, Patricia. He said it with that little sideways twitch of his mouth that meant he thought he was being terribly modern.
Patricia didn’t blink. She just looked down at the little yellow slip the waitress had left by the salt shaker. I remember the smell of that place better than I remember my own pantry back then, all warm biscuits and greasy ham fat hanging in the air like a heavy blanket. We had driven thirty miles out to the interstate because Raymond didn’t want to run into the men from Caldwell Precision at the diner down by the courthouse. He wanted his clean break wrapped in buttermilk biscuits and sweet tea. Patricia picked up her fork, laid it down right beside the untouched bowl, and asked him if he was finished. He smiled. He actually smiled because he thought her quietness meant she was folding up her tent. I watched him from my booth, my coffee cup grown stone cold between my knuckles, and I knew right then that Raymond had never once looked at my sister. He had only ever looked at the things she made possible for him to touch.
When we got back to her house on Elm Street, the gravel in the driveway crunched loud enough to set the neighbor’s hound to barking. Patricia didn’t go straight for the porch. She stood by the passenger door for a long second, looking down at her sensible loafers like she was checking for burrs. Her hair was still pinned up just the way she liked it, the gray sprayed stiff enough to hold against an Alabama gale. She had helped him found that shop when the floors were still bare dirt and the old lathe leaked oil onto the boards. She spent three decades keeping the tax man off his back while he went to regional trade conventions in Biloxi and came home smelling like hotel gin. At one red light on the way back, she had told me about her mammogram, her voice flat as a washboard, and I felt that old familiar hot grease rise right up behind my eyes. That was Patricia. She would bleed quietly into a tissue rather than interrupt a man while he was explaining his retirement plans.