The carpet at the Oak Ridge Country Club smelled like damp wool and cheap lemon oil, no matter how many thousands of dollars the board spent on it every quarter. There were one hundred and twelve guests packed into the main banquet room, all of them drinking imported chardonnay and eating shrimp out of little plastic martini glasses that looked entirely too fancy for a hardware supplier out of Peoria. A projector mounted to the ceiling was humming away, cycling through a loop of photographs that made Warren look like he had built every single cabinet pull and drawer slide in the Midwest with his own two bare hands. He was standing up at the mahogany podium, red-faced and beaming in his custom-tailored navy suit, holding a crystal tumbler of bourbon like it was a scepter. I sat at table four, right next to the ice machine station, with my hands folded in my lap over a linen napkin that felt scratchy against my skin. Warren cleared his throat into the microphone, a little feedback squeal echoing off the high ceiling, and smiled out at the room.