The courtroom smelled like floor wax and old paper, a dry, sterile scent that has lived in my nostrils for six years. I sat at the defendant’s table and stared at my own hands. They were trembling. I tucked them under the table and tried to breathe. It was 9:14 in the morning. My husband, Daniel, was standing at the podium. He was wearing that navy blue suit I bought him for our tenth anniversary, the one he wore when he wanted to look like the smartest man in the room. He looked confident. He looked like the victim.