“The cheap bread tastes like the bag,” Ellie said, holding it up by one corner.
I remember that because I laughed. I was looking at the price tag and deciding whether we could stretch the groceries through Monday. Then Ellie spotted the ring.
She was seven. She had crouched to get a dropped cereal coupon, and when she stood up, she had a gold ring in her palm with a diamond big enough to catch my eye from three feet away.
I’m seventy now, and I’ve been raising Ellie by myself since my daughter Beth and her husband died in a car crash three years ago. I don’t tell people that for sympathy. It’s just the plain answer when somebody asks why I still buy the little juice boxes.
At Walmart, I looked at that ring and thought about my roof. I thought about the prescription I’d been splitting into smaller doses because the refill cost more than I had that week. I thought all of that before I said a word.
Then Ellie looked up at me.
“Grandma, do you think somebody’s upset?”
I closed her fingers around the ring, not to take it, just to keep it from slipping. “Probably. Let’s find her.”
I wish I could say I didn’t need a second to think about keeping it. I did. That’s the part I’m not proud of.
We were heading for customer service when a woman came through the entrance fast enough to make the automatic doors open twice. She looked around forty, maybe a little older. Her mascara had run under one eye. One shoelace was undone.
“Please,” she said to the cashier. “Has anyone turned in a diamond ring?”
Ellie went ahead of me. “Did you lose this?”
The woman looked at her hand, then at Ellie’s face. She put one hand on the counter and lowered herself to her knees.
“Oh, thank God.”
She took the ring carefully, like it could break, and pressed it against her chest. I helped her stand. Her fingers were shaking.
“Is it your wedding ring?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “It’s my mother’s.”
Then she looked at Ellie again.
“Thank you. You saved me from doing something awful.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I still don’t. She had no right to make a seven-year-old feel responsible for whatever she’d been thinking, but I also saw how hard she was trying to get her hands steady.
She asked Ellie’s name. Ellie answered. I gave the woman mine, too. She said her name was Dana.
Her phone rang before I could ask what she meant by “awful.” She glanced at the screen and her whole face changed. Not fear exactly. More like she’d run out of time.
“I have to go,” she said.
“Are you all right?” I asked.
She nodded too quickly. “I’m sorry. I’ll explain.”
Then she was out the door, ring closed in her fist.
I watched her go. Ellie had already started telling me about how the woman’s shoes looked like the ones her teacher wore. I let her talk. We bought the bread, even though it tasted like the bag, and went home.
The next morning, at 7:15, someone knocked hard enough to rattle the glass in our front door.
I was still in my robe. Ellie was asleep in the next room. I looked through the narrow side window and saw a black SUV at the curb and a man in a dark suit holding a thick envelope.
I kept the chain on.
“Can I help you?”
“Are you the grandmother whose granddaughter returned a ring at Walmart yesterday?”
I didn’t answer right away. He could see me through the glass.
“Is Dana in trouble?” I asked.
“No. I’m her attorney. My name is Grant Mercer.”
He showed me a card through the gap. I read it twice, then opened the door enough to let him speak.
He looked tired. There was a small coffee stain on his cuff. I noticed it because I was still trying to decide if this was a real emergency or a mistake.
“Dana asked me to find you,” he said. “We’ve been trying for years.”
“Why?”
He looked down at the envelope. “Because your daughter left something for her sister. Dana has been trying to get it to Ellie.”
I kept one hand on the door. “Who is Dana’s sister?”
He didn’t make me wait.
“Beth.”
I knew the name before he said anything else. Dana. Her mother’s ring. The way she looked at Ellie.
My first thought was that Grant had the wrong house. My second was that I had made sure he couldn’t find us.
I stepped back and let him in.
That was how I learned I’d been telling Ellie there was no aunt who wanted to see her.
Not in those words, exactly. I’d said Dana had moved away. I’d said we weren’t in touch. I’d said some people had their own lives and that was that. It sounded better than saying I had blocked her number after a fight and never called back.
Grant set the envelope on my kitchen table. He didn’t push it toward me.
“Dana was at the hospital when I spoke to her,” he said. “She wants to see Ellie. She also wants you to read this first.”
“What happened to her?”
“She’s stable. She had a health scare last night. She doesn’t want me sharing details without her permission.”
I rubbed the side of my thumb, the way I do when I’m trying to keep my voice level.
“Then why are you here?”
“Because she thinks she may not get another chance to explain this properly.”
That made me mad. Not at him, really. At the hurry. At the idea that after all those years, I was expected to read a letter and make room at the table before breakfast.
I told him that.
He said, “You don’t have to decide anything today.”
Then he asked if I remembered the name Dana.
Of course I did.
Dana was Beth’s older sister. They shared a mother, though I was the one who raised both girls after I married their father. Dana was fourteen when Beth was born. She was already old enough to be irritated that a baby took up the whole house.
For a while, she was good with Beth. She’d carry her around on one hip and pretend the baby was a sack of flour. Beth would laugh so hard she hiccupped.
I remember that better than some of the serious things.
Dana left home at nineteen. She came back often enough at first. Then less. She lived in Des Moines, then Ames, then somewhere farther east. I don’t know the exact order anymore. We spoke on birthdays for a while. She came to Beth’s wedding. She held Ellie when Ellie was born.
The break came years before the accident. Beth was pregnant with Ellie, and Dana had been trying to get her to leave her husband. I didn’t like the way Dana talked about him. He wasn’t cruel. He was just unreliable, and I thought Dana was trying to stir up trouble in a house that already had enough.
Dana told me I always picked the child who needed me least.
I said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She said, “You say that every time I’m right.”
I hung up on her.
It wasn’t one big dramatic fight. It was a short call, followed by two missed calls from her, followed by a text I didn’t answer. Then months went by. Then years. I told myself she’d call when she was ready.
She probably told herself the same thing about me.
When Beth and her husband died, I couldn’t think past the funeral and Ellie’s clothes and the forms the county needed me to sign. I didn’t know Dana’s current number. I didn’t look very hard. I don’t have a nicer way to say that.
Grant said Dana had spent theGrant said Dana had spent the last three years trying to find us. She’d written to our old address, called numbers she still had, and asked relatives who didn’t know where we’d gone. She hadn’t known I’d blocked her years before. I hadn’t known she was still trying.
I opened the envelope after Grant left. Inside was a note in Beth’s handwriting, dated two months before the accident. It said, “If anything happens to me, please don’t let Mom tell you I didn’t want you near Ellie.”
I sat down at the kitchen table. I’d told myself Dana had left us. Beth had known I might say that.
I called the number Grant had left and said, “Come see Ellie when you’re ready.” Then I put Beth’s note beside the bread Ellie didn’t like.